lost amongst the willows

down the shadow lane
tall willows all around
bars of light elusive
thin upon the ground
first foot follows last
skirting mossy holes
as like to break an ankle
going for a stroll
murky darkness thickens
seeping into breast
impossible to fight it
time to take a rest
weary under willows
not caring when they drip
eyes closed in defeat
slackening of grip
reality had floundered
slipped away unseen
screaming into shadows
with silence most obscene
brushing desolation
careless of the way
specter of vitality
a falsehood some would say
last foot follows first
disparate soul moves on
convincing in the sunlight
but she's already gone
tall willows all around
down the shadow lane


dear body, just stop it, okay?

As of tomorrow it will have been 27 weeks since a disc in my lower back herniated. That is 27 weeks of constant, sometimes unendurable, pain. Several trips to a doctor, a specialist, the emergency room, and more days than I even remember laying in bed crying because moving just hurt too much.......


I'm trying to get back being the normal me.
Trying to stop complaining so much.
Trying not to feel completely useless.

I hope that the rest of the year is better then the last 27 weeks.

If you would care to join my pity party, leave a comment about why your year has sucked.


snickerdoodle blondies

Also known as, "Dammit woman! Why have we never made these before??" And by 'we' he meant 'me'

Snickerdoodle blondies are like the secret love child of a snickerdoodle and a coffee cake raised in sin by a pan of brownies. For serious, go make these. You will not regret it.

Made with stuff I already had in my house, not having to go to the store was just a bonus. Bonus number two? These come together in about 10 minutes (maybe less) and are ready to eat from conception to fork in the pan in under 90 minutes. Unless of course YOU don't eat baked goods straight from the pan with your fingers a fork before they are perfectly cooled. In which case you'll have to wait a bit longer prude friend.

What you'll need:
Oven to 350ºF
8x8 inch pan (I used glass), lightly greased.


  • 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
  • teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon, gently rounded
  • 1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice 
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • cup packed dark brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter or margarine, room temperature
  • egg, at room temperature
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla (I used imitation)

  • Topping:

  • 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon

  • 1) Combine flour, baking powder, rounded teaspoon of cinnamon, pie spice and salt in a small bowl, stir to mix them together.
    2) Put softened butter and brown sugar in a mixer, or use a hand mixer (or you own super arm strength and a spoon, you rebel) and mix at low/medium speed for 3 minutes. Mixture should be well combined and slightly fluffy

    3) To this fluffy mixture add your egg and beat for about 10 seconds then add the vanilla. Beat until smooth (30 seconds?) I used imitation vanilla, if you are using real vanilla decrease the amount to 1 teaspoon.
    4) Next add the flour mixture in 1/4 cup at a time or so. Make sure the flour is mostly blended in before the next addition. I let my mixer run on low the whole time I was adding the flour with a giant serving spoon. 1/4 cup measures aren't necessary, just don't dump it all in at once okay? That is way more hassle than is needed!

    5) Once everything is all nice and blended, pour/scrape/dump the batter (which will look VERY cookie doughish) into your prepared pan.
    6)You're going to need to spread the dough out, rather like brownie batter dough but slightly more recalcitrant. You can use an oiled spoon/spatula, your hands, or an ungreased rubber spatula if you like to lick have children/husbands who like to like tools afterward.

    7) Combine the remaining cinnamon and sugar in a small bowl and sprinkle evenly over batter, like so. You'll probably end up using half or so.......

    Unless you're me, and use it all. I highly recommend using it all. Plus some.
    8) Bake for 30 minutes at 350ºF. Sides will rise slightly and blondies are done when toothpick in center comes out almost clean. Cool for about an hour.

    I somehow didn't manage to take an after picture. Hm. It looks almost exactly the same though.
    After about 45 minutes we started eating this with forks. I'm not sure what kind of shelf like it has, as it rarely lasts more than a few days! Once cooled, store tightly covered or in a sealed bag.



    egads! what fresh horror is this?

    This new blogger layout sucks. When I came in here today to poke around a bit I was slapped in the face with  introduced to the new layout. "The old layout will be disappearing soon. So try the new layout now!" Stop being such passive aggressive asshats so enthusiastic Google. Some of us Don't! Like! Change! Especially when those changes are suckish confusing. Who do you think you are? Facebook? Congress? Change for the sake of justifying your jobs change isn't productive, it's obnoxious.
    *I reserve the right to change this opinion on the basis of justifying my theories of temporal anomalies, girl scout cookie racketeering, and the theoretical physics behind Cat Space.*