profound advice since 1979

Ok, so I was born in '79 and probably not giving profound advice till I was at least 2. Anyhoo.... I was giving profound advice with a little humor and thought I'd share. I say humor, 'cause you know I was just kidding about that rifle thing. Hear that NSA?!? I was KIDDING.
This was part of an email to my sister. The reason for which I am not ready to discuss.
Profound advice following:

I've always tried not to judge people based on what I don't know for sure, how they look, where they come from or who they love. Everyone has their own reasons, lives and secrets. I'm happy in my marriage, as is Bart, all anyone has to do is ask him. I don't base it on what others think they know or think we should be. I try to be happy in my life and decide how I want to be, regardless of the influence of others. I said I don't judge other people because you can never really know someone outside of yourself. You can't know the full story of their past or what motivates them or what's truly in their heads. Ever. Words hurt more than blows. I try to never say something to or about someone that I think would hurt me if I found out it had been said about me. I don't always succeed, but I try. I always try to rememeber that saying hurtful things or voicing cruel assumptions to make myself feel better just makes me less of a person and more of a monster. I have a nasty and vindictive temper and I know it. I seethe instead of yell. I plot instead of talk. I try to stay in control of myself so I don't hurt others. I sometimes feel like I'm walking the line between "sane" and "toting a rifle up to the nearest bell tower". I'll probably give myself an ulcer someday. :/
Anyway, I guess I'm done being profound for now. I guess I just didn't want you to think I wasn't concerned. I'm just careful. If you never take any other advice from me in your life, then please reread this email and try to be happy with who you are and not what others think you should be.

I figure the nsa has stopped reading by now, because you know, I said I was kidding. Sshhhh, not really kidding.

**EDIT** Apparenly I am now a stuck up little bitch. Not that this was said TO me, merely ABOUT me and gleefully forwarded by a "friend" (not of mine, thank god) Nice to have friend who is so willing to possibly cause trouble for you, no?


the broccoli must die

Ok, OW. I was cutting broccoli the other night for dinner to go into my sweet hot chinese chicke, Which by the way, SOOO good. But there I was, slicing broccoli stems, doing nothing more than helping the damn broccoli fulfill its damn vegetable destiny and grabbed the knife and sliced my left thumb. Thank god for keratin, if my nail hadn't stopped the blade the broccoli would have been, not in the pan but on the way to the local jail for assault with a deadly weapon. Um, no wait. I think that was what happened in my head after the broccoli stem flipped onto its side and the knife sliced my thumb. It was more of blunt cut and it hurt like HELL. Thankfully my husband is a fully trained if out cert EMT and he thinks my whining/whimpering in pain is amusing. Wait, the laughing while I bleed kinda makes him a jerk right? Damn.

Anyway, here's my finger, a few days later.
I am so freaking talented.


The Craptacular and the Splendiferous


My husband got into a car accident 9.22 and it is now 15 days later and we still don't have our car back. Buckled hood, scraped up fender and busted brake line. The thing GUSHED brake fluid when you stepped on the pedal. Luckily, I guess, it happened right outside our house so the car was easy to get home. The insurance company is dragging their feet and we are totally running out money to pay for a rental car. "You pay for it and we'll reimburse you" Argh!! I want to line every one of the F*ck#rs up and shoot them. I try to not to imagine the &sshole who ran the freaking stop sign sitting at home with his family and NOT shelling out $300 a week for a rental car. Yeah, some major stress happening here.

Did I forget to mention that the license plate got ripped off? Or that the car we hit was red?nice.


Halloween is almost here!! You know what this means boys and ghouls? Cute Halloween decor, an excuse to eat copious amounts of candy, and my most favoritist part PUMPKINS!!! To try to pull me out of my insurance/car related my almost too good to be true husband took me for a little surprise outing on Saturday morning. PUMPKINS! I'm like a freaking kid alone in a candy store. I wanted no less than 20 pumpkins within the first 5 minutes. This is a true horror for my husband (who really must love me)as I have a proven track record for pumpkin OVER adoption. The year before we got married I had, not kidding, 27 pumpkins. Full sized pumpkins. That totally doesn't even count the little ones. Have I mentioned I have a TINY apartment? Or that we were driving a 67 Mustang at the time?!? Yeah, like 24 of those pumpkins came home in one trip. They were $1 a piece! So, I have a proven pumpkin...problem. This weekend I only bought 2. well..3 but one was tiny!

This is Stan and Ollie. Oh, ya hai, I name them too.
And my husband's Halloween cat, Sam. Ollie go to come with us because as you can see in the next photo, Ollie has a weird, kind of Aztec-ie design in a faint dark green.

I can almost guarantee that I'll have 8 more pumpkins before Halloween. Something to look forward to at least.