10.29.2015

confession



I'm not sure why I started this blog.
I'm terrible at it.
So many things happen, recently it's been mostly bad things. I internalize them. Compartmentalize them. Let them seethe and fester and rot behind a great big wall.

Then the wall cracked.

A few years ago, when I wasn't looking, someone took my hand and told me that I was broken, and that it was okay. He helped me save myself.

Then he walked away from me and though there was now weak sunlight showing through my cracks, I couldn't see them. I could feel the damage and knew I could never repair it, so I stopped trying.

Then I lived in a space out of time. No concept of tomorrows, no reality that made sense.

People noticed.

So I struggled, tried to repair the cracks, to make the facade look like it always did. So when people walked by, no one stopped to examine the damage. But it would never look the same, be the same.

Then a woman took my hand, and held it through the darkness. She reminds me that I'll be okay. That the persistent voices in my head, that control me, are liars. She took my hand without ever knowing my name, without ever meeting me. She gave me a place to belong.

She tells us all that we matter. She makes us laugh with her and ache with her, and want to hold her hand when her world is dark.

We're going to be okay. And when we don't believe it, that's okay too.

One day soon it will be my honor to meet her in person. To hug her and tell her how much she matters to me. To all of us. So that one day, just maybe, I can repay the kindness she never knew she did for me.

Thank you Jenny